where happiness lasts

the days where such happiness existed and I was able to smile like my life wasn’t all fucked up and I wasn’t trying to be what I wasn’t seem unreal to me now. All of it seems like just a fleeting moment where I could lay my troubles out and share them with the entire world. Where someone could understand every word I really meant. Somewhen that know that when I say something like, I lost my flour, he’ll know that I meant I lost my grip on life. My grip on reality, and my grip on my sanity, or whats left of it.

Ever since getting into cedar, i‘ve blamed you for not helping me get out of it. Not letting me simply turn and run away. But I see that it couln’t have helped me at all. The very least was that it could delay the sadness and the hits.

Now when ever I’m alone, all I think of is how much has changed, how much I’ve loved and lost. How she unknowingly hit me in the face by trying to pretend. But I guess that’s why I like you. Cause you’re like me, trying to be something you’re not.

However, now I realize, its too late to turn back. You have your life, your love. You come and go. But do you realize what I’ll trade to be yours? Even just for a day?

All I have to say is that, me, krystal lim, has finally learnt how to love. But she just had to learn how to let go in the very same issue. I reckon that’s what I do, isn’t it?

confession

sometimes,
just to stop yourself from bending,
and crying,
you start to think.
which actually makes it worse.
how it came to this?
how i dint manage to stop it?

this started since the infatuation,
the obsession,
and now,
the love.
i remember you warning me.
hey 'stay straight'
maybe thats when i changed.
maybe you should never warn me
so it would never come to this.

i have a tendency to do everything i'm not supposed to.
i guess i cant stop it,
can i?
this time, its something really outta my control,
something i dont even want to start to think about.
something thats enough to kill me.

this post?
i want you to read it,
respont to it,
or acknowledge it.
but i know that it will do me more good if you ignore me,
and maybe i'll simply give up.
even knowing you'll never really understand,
i want you to.

weird how things end up huh?