LiveJournal

When I start blogging on my livejournal, it means somethings bad gonna happen. And I have not yet decided what, but it will happen. And I will one day, say goodbye.

Knife.

Days

Azel came back ytd with husna. Major plus plus happy thing that day cuz it turned out to be a shitfuck day. So was today but today was salvaged by not crying, and Desiree Becky natalie and Zheru.

It makes me sad to know that you won't even be tr when I'm sad and you won't even know.

To breathe, we first have to release.

I think maybe seniors or people that rank higher in ways such as experience or something else are given a type of crash course or handout. All they say will always be hypocritical, shallow and mostly irrelevant. Like when you fall in and out of love, all they say will be 'you'll get over it', 'it's just a phase' and sometimes 'it's all gonna be okay'. On the contrary, me thinks not. It's been fourteen years, and I still can't decide what I want. Like times where I eat Ice cream I will be stuck with a dilema whether to choose lime or orange sorbet. But they're all sorbet, you say. And by that, you have just exhibited your depth or should I say, shallowness. And usually, I like being restricted, like having no other choice. What I like is to be in control by being controlled. No, not in the way that I need a dominitrix. Seniority is not supposed to be like this. Not supposed to be ranked by the level of superiority you allegedly self proclaim to have. You assume just because you had your heart broken one too many times, or because you are one year older, or because the school 'stalks' you, or because lots of people go after you, you assume that people pant after you. And if all you wanted was to play, youre so shallow. But it aint your fault youre shallow. But at least, when everything surfaces, when the truth comes out, you trust wholeheartedly. An if all you want to be now, is a good senior or friend, or you enjoy being on top and you think you deserve to be, do not self proclaim your superiority, keep your dignity and leave others be. Youre not superior, youre superficial. But if you were superior, you should have told me, happiness is hard. And second, don't make the same mistakes we did.

In time, we hide our lies. In lies we hide our truth. And in truth? We hide ourselves.

Note to self: Happiness is hard.

MY DADDY (I DONT CARE) BUNG IN A SKIRT

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY:
3.) I lost my phone for about 10 minutes and ran around the whole school for that 10 mins looking for it and it was on my table. Reminds me of when I left it in the freezer.
2.) Tiffany taught me ss in 20 mins speaking rly fast and loud after we went thru 20 mins of gg in and out in and out of school. Cool kids ftw.

AND OMG THE BEST HIGHLIGHT EVAH THAT WILL LAST WITH ME FOREVER AND MADE ME SNORT OXYGEN THROUGH MY NOSE,

1.) I SAW JORINDA (the bung) IN A SKIRT IN HER NAN CHIAU UNIFORM HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA OMG EPICCCCC AHHAHA I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING AND I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN A PICTURE. She's my daddy btw, I'm her illegitimate child HAHAHHA BEST. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASSANDRA

Today is a happy day cuz it's cassandra's birthday! And for the girl who's like a ball of bubbles, I LOVE YOU, happy birthday(:

I dream so much and I love doing it. And sometimes when I'm sleeping I know it's a dream and I will refuse to wake up. Or if I'm at boyfs house for a nap, I get an awesome dream, he'll wake me up to go home and I'll get so pissed I'll act like a cranky bitch for the rest of the day. And him, being the perpetual nice asshole, will go 'OH SHUDDUP I'LL BUY YOU A DREAMCATCHER IF YOU WILL JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.' and if only I got a dollar everytime I heard that. But you never bought it, till you flew away. And now you only come back alternate years and even though we're so far apart, we still call each other The Boyf and The Goyf. Rmb how I couldn't stop laughing at the goyf word with my annoying high pitched giggle that annoys you so much? Goodbye, this cny was fun, I admit, but I guess this is as far as it gets.

I feel so damn vulnerable just being single, I used to cry at the slightest thing cuz I knew i could rush home, log on to msn and talk to you. But now, I guess I'm more alone than ever.

I will buy everyone a dream catcher for birthdays of people who actually mean a thing to me. Happy birthday, surprise. If this still means anything, I love you, boyfz.

MLFF

I thought I could just seem pissed at you for the whole day. Just because you made me break down at my front door with no one around to help or anyone who noticed (unless the security guard was watching through the CCTV). But when you walked into class today, I immediately forgave you. But thing is, I haven't forgotten what you did even though you may have. I loved you. And for all I know I may still do. But as aforementioned, you pissed me off bad today but if I just flare up at you during like say, reccess it'll be just weird but oh wait, I may not even see you during reccess, you freaking bumblebee. Fine, go busy yourself out for all I care. This is annoying me. And I guess, a rumour would always just be a rumour.

Ps. I need a hug real bad right now.

To my little feathered friend.

No I'm not scared of you, but you just pissed me off, bad. Go on tell the world.

Ily

You confuse me with your random whims and rantings followed by your interest. You never get what I'm trying to say do you? You get only a skim of my thoughts and what I feel as you claim you don't understand what I'm getting at or what I write, you do not comprehend. Oh again with age old question and mysteries. Is it my fault your literary skills are restrained and limited? Hoho I pity you as you confrom slowly to the slaveship our school forces upon us and until we are emancipated from their vice grips, this will go on. Theoretically speaking, if I speak my mind, would you even bother to register and listen, much less have a shot at comprehending my speech and my certainly unique way of expressing woes? To be honest, my words are laced with warnings in the guise of gentle words. You just never see it. Be civilised my little feathered friend. And if you do know me well enough, I only call you my feathered friend, just so you don't know still, I'm talking about you. Your immense superficiality scares me.

You wouldn't.

Suddenly I see

"Suddenly I see (suddenly I see), this is what I wanna be."

Happy.

Confusion

I don't know who I love anymore. Or maybe, I've never loved. But please don't make me
choose, I'm only 14.