Wondering

why i was stupid and dumb enough to fall for you and convince myself that it was not what it was.

and why you try to make things seem like what it isnt and try to pretend and pretend over and over again. you remind me so much of her. so so much and it saddens me to think that all of you lie to just save your skins in the name of trying not to hurt the other.

i dont want you to pretend.
C,
i want the truth, you asscrown.

and i never thought i'd say this, but, i think i love you.
and that, asks for nothing but trouble.

why do i always love the worsts? the ones who will never love me back and would do anything to make me stop loving them.

shit.

The Scarcity of Perfection

My life is being so perfect right at this moment now. Cuz there's nothing but the sound of the tv and my click-clacking on the keyboard. Yes, I don't like to share what's troubling me. Is that so bad?

Life is so perfect I feel like doing something to fuck it all up like I always do. And for that, all i have to do is wait.

Currently

Luke: How do you feel?

Now? Currently, i feel like dying. Hey yeah, i have depression. So now you know.

Thinking and Overthinking it

I'm beginning to wonder who actually reads my blog. Who actually bothers to understand the reason i set it up in the first place. Yes, i tend to overthink stuff and people find that irritating and get really annoyed. But i make sense in my overthinking don't i? like about joining dance, mr tan has already told me i can transfer my cca points for me as a special case if i go for dance. But i'll end up as a sec3 with a standard of a sec one or maybe worse. or maybe..I dont know. i cant be bothered to think anymore. and maybe i will delete my twitter, my blog, and my facebook. because, when you think of it, do they really matter? i hardly access my facebook account anymore, but when i do, its simply to read into people's lives and wish they were mine. but then, all this wishing has only thought me that it only brings me halfway, and what if i realise the other half aint worth the trouble?

and as i always say, there's beauty in everything.

beauty in the breaakdown.

NIGGACOLE THE PUNANI

HELLO TONIGHTS GONNA BE A BAD NIGHT. NICOLE'S HERE



I WILL DIE.

BUAAIIIIX

I love you. and it scares the poo ey oh outta me.

Wandering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will

Forgive me if I st-stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, I've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you

If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood I would
Shout out your name so it echoes in every room, yeah

That's what I'd do,
That's what I'd do,
That's what I'd do,
To get through to you

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will

i love you i love you and i know you're really happy with who you're with now, but all i want to know now, is whether or not you do so too. cuz i actually am delusional to think that you do. i miss you.

i caant believe im saying this but i am. its not the person i usually talk about that im talking about here.
i will not be frozen, dancing is my remedy remedy.