its sadly surprising how i can make myself laugh.
how i can manage to keep telling myself that one day itll come true
how i believe that my life is good enough.
how i tell myself that if i try hard enough i will stop.

but i know i cant stop.
well, dad managed to, but he continued, i could smell the smoke in the bathroom. but maybe, it could have been from me. who really cares?

so many things are screwed up with me now i dont really know where i can start and i know neither will it stop. so why not give the gods a satisfaction of me giving up and giving them a hand in screwing me up. you want me to break down. fine. you'll probaly win an a few more fans or something.

so, people who actually dont live my life, shut the fuck up, CUZ YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT MY LIFE. YOU DONT, KNOW, SHIT.

i mean it. okay. im not acting that my life is horrible. honestly, what would i get out of that? attention? i dont want it. you wouldnt know what i would give to be just simply happy.

get that?

i. just. want. to. be HAPPY.

I WILL SACRIFICE EVERYTHING TO BE HAPPY. ANYTHING. I WANT TO KEEP FAITH, SO GOD HELP ME.